this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
