Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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