Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
