I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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