So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
