i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
