So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
please come you make the beer taste better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
