Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
