Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
