I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize