Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
