YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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