they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize