just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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