I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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