haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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