it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
