there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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