hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
