If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
