I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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