my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
