I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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