Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
