So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Farmville is her only friend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
All I want is dick and wine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
