I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
