why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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