just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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