So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
