I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
