And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i think i just lost a toe
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
