I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
