That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
