So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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