their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize