I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
