he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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