He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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