Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
