I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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