eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
