my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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