i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
