I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
