im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
