I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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