i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
