I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
