no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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