If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
