morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
