Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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