Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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