Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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