If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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