Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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