Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize