Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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