We need to rekindle our bromance
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
