Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
