Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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