I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
