i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
