...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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