Midget sex pt 2 tonight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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