I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
