That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
