I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
