Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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