just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
