The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
