We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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