I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
